According to Cacioppo the key is in the quality, not the quantity of those people. We just need several on whom we can depend and who depend on us in return.
This really should be called the quality of our relationships rather than this so called "quality of people", whatever that means.
but more importantly...
In one study, Cacioppo measured brain activity during the sleep of lonely and nonlonely people. Those who were lonely were far more prone to micro awakenings, which suggest the brain is on alert for threats throughout the night, perhaps just as earlier humans would have needed to be when separated from their tribe.
I experienced exactly this during the worst period of depression a few years ago. In a foreign country for work, I had many friendly colleagues but no one whom I could truly trust and could lay out the whole truth with. During this period, I would wake up at night 1 after going to sleep, ever night, without fail. (I'd eventually have mental breakdowns every 2 months, until I finally mustered the courage to resign, pack my bags, give away all my stuff, and leave the country)
It was a brutal time in my life and every time I think back to it, I'm thankful to be back home where I grew up amongst my closest friends.
I've been going to a simliar phase as you and the author in the last year (mentally I labeled it as "the loneliest year in my life (so far)"). My solution, as yours and the author's, is also to go back where my home and my friends are (this is still a month from now though).
I pretty much had the same problems too: meeting new people, having new colleagues and also do stuff with them, but never feeling quite connected.
So I've been wondering lately what this has to say about my personality. Am I just not ready yet to just leave what I call home now (and my friends and family) and start somewhere else again (maybe for a really worthwhile job in a cool city)? Or am I just the kind of person that is not cut out for doing this kind of stuff?
This uncertainty is also amplified by the fact that I have a friend who is about the same age as me, mid-twenties, who just last year left to live in L.A. and seems quite happy there.
Maybe you'd like to elaborate on how your life changed after you decided to go back and if you think you will ever try to live somewhere else (wherever that may be) again?
I'd really appreciate it!
Hey Joe, unfortunately I've only sporadically written about it on HN and on my blog, but I'm in this weird limbo state where I want to spill all the beans but I know that putting it on my blog would damage my professional future (since I am in the business side of things these days where machisimo and type-A ism is the norm). Not sure how best to communicate, but if you do see this by chance, shoot me a email (it's in my HN profile) and we can chat :)
This really should be called the quality of our relationships rather than this so called "quality of people", whatever that means.
but more importantly...
In one study, Cacioppo measured brain activity during the sleep of lonely and nonlonely people. Those who were lonely were far more prone to micro awakenings, which suggest the brain is on alert for threats throughout the night, perhaps just as earlier humans would have needed to be when separated from their tribe.
I experienced exactly this during the worst period of depression a few years ago. In a foreign country for work, I had many friendly colleagues but no one whom I could truly trust and could lay out the whole truth with. During this period, I would wake up at night 1 after going to sleep, ever night, without fail. (I'd eventually have mental breakdowns every 2 months, until I finally mustered the courage to resign, pack my bags, give away all my stuff, and leave the country)
It was a brutal time in my life and every time I think back to it, I'm thankful to be back home where I grew up amongst my closest friends.