I think a big problem lies in the individualist approach combined with a reserved attitude toward others. When you start a 'new life' in a new place where you cannot rely on massive amounts of free time, or structured 'community' (university, high school, church), you have to find shortcuts to making 'significant' connections.
I've done okay on that front, having moved to a completely new place very often in my life. I find that one of the secrets is being extra honest, and extra open, instead of waiting for 'organic' moments of connection. These moments happen if you have loads of time to spend with people. If you don't have the time, too much can happen to get in the way of making such a connection before it is too late.
I rather like this quote in the context. Can't remember who wrote it:
"We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.
It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable."
I've done okay on that front, having moved to a completely new place very often in my life. I find that one of the secrets is being extra honest, and extra open, instead of waiting for 'organic' moments of connection. These moments happen if you have loads of time to spend with people. If you don't have the time, too much can happen to get in the way of making such a connection before it is too late.
I rather like this quote in the context. Can't remember who wrote it:
"We waste so much energy trying to cover up who we are when beneath every attitude is the want to be loved, and beneath every anger is a wound to be healed and beneath every sadness is the fear that there will not be enough time.
When we hesitate in being direct, we unknowingly slip something on, some added layer of protection that keeps us from feeling the world, and often that thin covering is the beginning of a loneliness which, if not put down, diminishes our chances of joy.
It’s like wearing gloves every time we touch something, and then, forgetting we chose to put them on, we complain that nothing feels quite real. Our challenge each day is not to get dressed to face the world but to unglove ourselves so that the doorknob feels cold and the car handle feels wet and the kiss goodbye feels like the lips of another being, soft and unrepeatable."